first yoga class postpartum

Last week, I had a night where the baby was hungry every hour. I try to only ask William for help throughout the night when I really need it. This night, I didn't wake him once. He woke up with Jai's cries and offered help. I calmly and patiently was there for whatever the baby's needs were. William commended me the next morning and thanked me. He took Jai and Rosebud for a walk and when he returned an hour later, I felt much more refreshed by the extra hour of sleep. When I got out of bed he told me he purchased me a two class pass for Sedona Hot Yoga. My face lit up and then immediately I was nervous, but more excited. "How will I make this work? Will the baby miss me? Will I miss the baby? What if he's hungry? What if my breasts leak all over my mat? What if I am not strong enough?" I was excited to look through the class offerings and quickly knew I wanted to start with Bikram. This way, I would know what to expect. The same 26 poses every time. I signed up for a class the next day. I felt ready as I could be. A few hours went by and as I checked in with my physical self I realized my right foot and leg were hurting. Postpartum is a wild ride and sometimes the body aches, especially after a emergency c-section. "Wait a few more days," William said. "You're right. I'm rushing it." I cancelled my reservation and the studio was kind enough to give me my credit back and even offered a 3rd class as a welcome. A week went by and I had penciled Friday afternoon's class in on my calendar on the refrigerator. "Jai is asleep. Maybe I shouldn't go," I said. "Wake him up and feed him, Susie. You should really go. You want to." I took a deep breath. "Okay..." I walked into the studio and I was greeted by the sweet woman who I spoke to over the phone. She's also a mom and had compassion for what I was feeling. Unlike other times when I returned to yoga after a hiatus for whatever reason, I didn't become emotional. I wasn't sobbing, crying, feeling feelings. I was there to work, to get back to myself, to be with me. The major shifts in my life and in my personality, my way of being translated into a calm and strong practice where I didn't push myself but I also never gave up. I kept going for the entire 90 minute class and I felt strong as a mother. I walked out of the studio with a such a sense of pride to find my husband, baby and pup waiting for me at a table nearby. Jai was so happy to see me and Rosie even howled. I hugged my baby so tight in my stinky sweaty arms and we both delighted in our reunion. I think I'll go to the same class next week. It felt so good to be back doing something I used to do well, with a brand new way of doing it. I am looking forward to seeing how my abilities evolve.